Emotional Regulation for Adults - Part 2
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs as shown on simplypsychology.org
Ah yes. Emotional regulation. That buzzword that keeps popping up as we continue to navigate modern health and wellness. But what is it? And why is it important?
Emotional regulation is our ability to control our own emotional state, and being able to do so plays a major role in our lives. Emotional regulation contributes to impulse control, problem solving, cognitive skills, physical health, mental health, relationship health, and so much more.
In Part 1 of this series, we learned how meeting our own basic needs as grownups first, is the best way to show up for others and our children. The old “put on your own oxygen mask first” adage comes to mind. Let’s dive into Part 2!
So we’ve identified our basic needs and we’ve adjusted accordingly, now what? Once we’ve met our body’s basic physical needs, the next step is getting our mind back to a state of calm. This is going to be key if you are helping others regulate, and it is especially important for your kid’s health. Teacher and emotional development expert Alyssa Campbell says: “A dysregulated adult cannot regulate a dysregulated child.” So if you’ve mastered the basics: eating, sleeping, hydrating, and so on, then the next step is to develop a list of calming tools for yourself to use when the moment arises so that you can be regulated first. Here are a few of our favorites:
Stepping away: Sometimes we just need a minute. Whether it’s a screaming child, a stressful work situation, or otherwise, physically removing ourselves from a high pressure situation is often the fastest, and easiest, way to calm our bodies. Even if it’s just a minute or two to ourselves in the bathroom to breathe and think, stepping away will quickly reduce your blood pressure and calm your body. Remember: as long as a child is safe, it’s okay for them to cry for a little bit while you take care of yourself. You will be way more successful at helping them feel better, once your own body feels better.
Breathing: It only takes three deep breaths to reset your nervous system. Of course we recommend longer if you can. Close your eyes and take deep breaths for a minute. Just a minute. Notice how you feel.
Rotation of consciousness: AKA grounding, or mindfulness exercises. Name five things you can hear, four things you can smell, three things you can touch etc. Or, close your eyes and send awareness to your toes, then your feet, then your heels and work up the body all the way to the crown of the skull. Hundreds of studies suggest that simply taking the time to be present in the moment has significant and instantaneous effects on our mental and physical health.
Move: Not everybody has the capacity or mind space to sit and breathe or be mindful. Sometimes we need to get that energy OUT, and that’s okay! All it takes is 60 seconds! Time yourself and shake, dance, jump, run in place, or whatever activity you enjoy, and reap the rapid benefits of the dopamine release it will create.
Feeling calm allows us to think clearly, focus, and feel safe so that we can assess whatever the situation is at hand. Plus, when you are able to find your calm, others will feel safe enough to find theirs, especially your littles. It is absolutely crucial to any emotional regulation journey.
Stay tuned for more emotional regulation tips and tricks,and be sure to join a Harmony Garden class so you can have access to our free parenting course!